Which is a big thing in itself because I've had some really bad ones. This has to be by far the most humiliating and heart-wrenching of them all. Anyways, first off, my apologies for not writing for a while. I was busy with a lot of personal melodrama that was in most ways flung upon me, and in some ways I suppose I brought it to myself. Ugh, I feel so stupid! I feel beyond stupid!
So I'm blogging. Because apparently this is the only thing that's helping me to not getting into a murderous rage. Or nag my own self to death. I wish I could just be normal and torture the other person by being excessively sarcastic and rude and most of all, cold (like he was) but I just can't bring myself to do that. I can't, even in this pain and humiliation, I cannot bring myself to stoop to that level. Neither can I stoop to a worse level---that of emotional manipulation. So instead, I am typing all this. Of course I could've just done the cliches like gotten drunk or bitched on the phone for hours, or oh... So recently a
friend random guy (I don't make friends with cowards, say whatever) very nicely declared that to lighten my mood, however dark, I just have to do watch "something Korean". Well, why thank you for typecasting me. Such an honour. I am touched beyond reason. Apparently watching a TV show or a film will help me feel less worthless. Because I am clearly a bimbo, and I just need so-called trivial distractions. I don't have real feelings and neither do I have real feelings for others...my feelings must be sorted out and typecast by other, more intellectual people. I don't even deserve the satisfaction of giving out a reaction like expressing pain or anguish or utter embarrassment. I am not real. I am just a "fancy".