Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Shittiest March I've Ever Had!

Which is a big thing in itself because I've had some really bad ones. This has to be by far the most humiliating and heart-wrenching of them all. Anyways, first off, my apologies for not writing for a while. I was busy with a lot of personal melodrama that was in most ways flung upon me, and in some ways I suppose I brought it to myself. Ugh, I feel so stupid! I feel beyond stupid! 

So I'm blogging. Because apparently this is the only thing that's helping me to not getting into a murderous rage. Or nag my own self to death. I wish I could just be normal and torture the other person by being excessively sarcastic and rude and most of all, cold (like he was) but I just can't bring myself to do that. I can't, even in this pain and humiliation, I cannot bring myself to stoop to that level. Neither can I stoop to a worse level---that of emotional manipulation. So instead, I am typing all this. Of course I could've just done the cliches like gotten drunk or bitched on the phone for hours, or oh... So recently a friend random guy (I don't make friends with cowards, say whatever) very nicely declared that to lighten my mood, however dark, I just have to do watch "something Korean". Well, why thank you for typecasting me. Such an honour. I am touched beyond reason. Apparently watching a TV show or a film will help me feel less worthless. Because I am clearly a bimbo, and I just need so-called trivial distractions. I don't have real feelings and neither do I have real feelings for feelings must be sorted out and typecast by other, more intellectual people. I don't even deserve the satisfaction of giving out a reaction like expressing pain or anguish or utter embarrassment. I am not real. I am just a "fancy". 

Many readers may think that I am being silly for venting out here for this is the content of a personal diary. But it's my blog and I shall write whatever I please. So, then.


Ajay Kontham said...

Blogging always helps ease during the toughest times.

Seems like you are going through a bad time. I hope you get over this asap. Watching TV might help as your fiend suggested. And don't call yourself that. As far as I know, you are a very creative person. So, you could get into something like reading / taking photos / travelling around / or something you always wanted to do. That way, you get your way, that you wanted to do and keep your mind off from those things that bother you. #JustMyOpinion

Well, Take your time. Let all things sort out and they you could resume blogging.

Till then Take Care. :)
And yeah, keep writing, once in a while (which always helps). :)

Anya said...

Ajay-- Thank you! Your comment made me smile, which to be honest, I haven't been able to do with my heart into since this Monday. Like I said, not the best month I've been having and let's not even get me started on this week!

I tried watching MasterChef India... did not help much. If Vikas Khanna and food couldn't do the trick, I can't imagine many things that will.

So I shall return to blogging. Which I think shall be about one of the Korean dramas.

Thanks for all your suggestions and pep talk and praising. :)

Ajay Kontham said...

I am glad I could make you smile.

Oh, you are a food person. May be you should start cooking or trying out something out of the ordinary, for a change, you know!

That sounds great. Korean dramas, or anything - the fact that you are blogging matters. :D

My Pleasure. :)

And Keep Smiling. Life isn't a steady and happy thing. It has its' ups and down and the same is with happiness. So, I hope whatever that is bothering you; you will convert it into your way and be happy about it.
Well, take care. :)

Anya said...

Ajay-- I do usually cook to destress but this time even that's gone for a toss!I'm back to blogging. Cheers!

Krittika Barua said...

OMG! My feelings exactly! Ugh. Loved the way you wrote it, so precise with what I'm going through. :)



Anya said...

Krittika-- Hey, high5! Or low5 actually! Hope things take a positive turn for both of us asap :)