Thursday, 30 August 2012

Feelings & things like that.

You’d think that by the year 2012 urban, educated men would think women are capable, sentient beings, now wouldn’t you? Turns out, not exactly. Not all of them, anyways. But I am being unfair I think for I’ve found that it’s not just some men who think along those lines but also some women. It annoys me beyond reason when somebody judges my actions and my moods according to how it might or might not be related to a man.

Seriously, I have a life apart from all of that. If I get upset, or joyous or thoughtful, a guy doesn’t necessarily have to be the driving force behind those emotions. So this is what happened most recently. Somebody I know began whatsapping me and started asking me about my day etc. And I was a tad unwell at the time and told him as much (it was something I ate, I guess and a lot of people also believed it to be the ever-present factor in life: stress). He still pressed on for details about what’s new in my life and what all I do all day to pass time because he so desperately wants to get to know me and would do anything to get familiar with my many quirks (and yet, I doubt if he’s ever read my blog, like, ever). I had no choice but to tell him that at the moment my life is quite dull for I sit at home with my hair running wild (much like Merida from Brave) read books obsessively. And then he asked me—if I had a boyfriend because if I did, the reason for my “bad mood” was miraculously explained. Because, you see, it is believed by so many that me, being a women, would get upset because of relationship problems. My supposed boyfriend would, of course, not be half as bothered as me and probably goes out with his friends for some male bonding time.

What. The. Hell.

As if I cannot have any other aspect of life. Whether or not I am dating/seeing/engaged to/married to is besides the point. The point is that why jump to conclusions that my mood varies as per the exact point of where my relationship would be on. It is so presumptuous that I would be clinically depressed, no less, because of a minor fight with my boyfriend (or fiancé or husband likewise, you get the point). As if I don’t have the right to feel anything unless it directly affects my love life. I have a weird feeling that such people think that being a single woman is the biggest misfortune that can possibly befall a girl (as opposed to being a single man, which is okay because men can apparently “tale care” of themselves).
And then, as of that bit of duche-headedness wasn’t enough, I was told that he would gladly be there to make my life better, to “take care” of me and so on. And also that he would try to “steal” me away. As if I’m some sort of a property that can be stolen! There goes my individuality. Also, as if I’d ever even think about being with someone like that.

It’s not just that guy and it’s not just this incident. Whenever I dress up a little bit, a lot of girls hound me asking and hinting me if I’m going to meet up someone special later on. If I sound happy, a lot of people presume it’s because I must have made a head on advance in the groom or boyfriend hunt.
I don’t get it.

Fine, yes, so I am a heterosexual girl and I adore Mr. Darcy and I am not a robot…if I fought with someone I love (anyone straight from my parents to my dog to my friends to anyone I love), it would upset me and upset me a lot. But I just don’t think it’s fair to just assume that the only aspect centering a woman’s life is relationships. I could be worried about my career, education, the cervical cancer vaccination shot…a million things. 

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Scared of the fated vaccine but doing it for the best.

You know how a lot people are mortified of injections? No? Okay... They are. Like, I've this friend Hugzy, she squirms at the mere mention of the word "shots" (the vaccination kind, NOT the alcohol shots; I rather think she likes those). And then I have this other friend, Ankita who had such a high fever that she passed out in the shower. And even after that action packed morning, she was initially apprehensive of going to the doctor...because, of course, the ever-looming fear of injections.

Me, I'm not so scared of needles. I can live through blood tests, and all of that. There is, however, one vaccination that I am petrified of, and which, sadly, turns out to be a recurring event of my life. And that would be the anti-tetanus shot. What. The. Hell. I've heard about how anti-tetanus injections hurt most people like crazy and they get fever after taking it and how it hurts them for a day. But my case is a little to the extreme. Even while that fated shot is given to me, despite the doctor's supposedly reassuring words (somehow, I cannot trust a doctor when they say that the injection won't hurt because more often than not, it does), it hurts like crazy at that moment. And the days that follow are agony. I think that anti-tetanus affects me slightly more than it does other people; but my mother thinks that I am a drama queen. Either way, the affected area hurts for days to the extent that I basically cannot lift, swing or do pretty much anything with it. So, you see why I am scared of that one shot.

Like I said, that is the one vaccine I get quite a few of and some of them in odd circumstances. I remember when I was in the 3rd year of my college, one day I was buying cold coffee at the college's Nescafé stall and when I turned around, to my surprise, there was a stray dog (not totally stray, as they roam around in our college and the students love them dearly, giving them food etc) lying practically next to me. I tripped on that poor dog and was about to fall on him. Now this is how my mind worked in that spilt second--I was going to fall on the dog and I had a split second to prevent that and I simply mustn't hurt the dog. So what did I do? I tipped my balance in a way that landed me right next to the dog, and I fell on my knees on a rock. Then followed the wonderful joyride to the hospital.

Then I remember the first ever time I took a driving lesson. Here is the thing: I had wished I could drive since forever, so when I was finally behind the wheel, I was super excited. Except for in the end, where I don't know where I nudged my foot and a metal-edge wounded my foot and blood started pouring out. So much for the driving lesson for weeks to come (how am I supposed to learn driving with a wounded foot and a useless recently-tentanus-injected arm?).

Anyway, point is, I am scared of anti-tetanus shots. A few days ago, after talking to a friend of mine (Shreya C., who has taken the following shot), I realised that it is time I took the vaccination for cervical cancer. I admit I knew nothing about this vaccination before Shreya C took it; I wasn't even aware that there was a vaccination like this. So I'll just write this bit down that I know so any female reader of this blog can go talk to their doctors accordingly.

Cervical Cancer is a type of cancer that affects women (since it happens in the uterus) and apparently it can be prevented by taking this vaccination. It is meant for adolescent girls and adult women, or so I have heard. There are 3 shots that you have to take, each with a gap of some specific months. And apparently it hurts. But do not go by me, all I really know is that it is crucial for any woman to take this vaccination. Please speak to your doctor about cervical cancer vaccination as your doctor would know about it best and do not go solely by my account.

Anyway, Shreya C told me that this vaccination hurts "quite a bit" which, to my over-hyper mind translated as "a lot". My first shot of the three-shots course is to take place this friday. I am mortified. I swear, I had a dream last night where I was given that shot and then my arm hurt like mad. I woke up in horror and called up Shreya C who told me to grow up and just do it. She has a point; it is either this temporary pain or cancer. I chose the temporary pain any day! So, Friday, here I come!

Saturday, 11 August 2012


Let's get on with one thing right in the beginning... I am not in a good mood, things are going horrible in my life (etc etc), everyone keeps telling me that "it's a phase" and that "it'll pass away soon" but 3 years of crap later, I find it hard to believe in any of it.  I have no idea of what "soon" means but honestly, if this is "soon", I shudder to think what "later" looks like. So, anyway, you get it... waiting for a silver lining I am these days & everything's muck basically; it's been going on for a while. It was one such day and I was tired of feeling beat up and low and tired of just waiting for "soon" to come... I think I was also tired of reading for once and watching "intellectual" films & re-watching the sitcoms I love and the ones that usually make me smile. Yes, I was tired of it. Really, you try watching all of Modern Family every single day (when will the next season begin?!?). So I go online on youtube and I don't know what I was hoping for...but I was wondering what to type in that'd gimme a little, you know, pick-me-up without actually physically consuming anything. I have no recollection of what I typed in but I do remember that somehow, without typing it in, without meaning to, I came across the most talented and awesome woman ever: Barbie!

Yes, I know. As a 23-year-old feminist, I am supposed to detest Barbie. I should think her fake and plastic, dipped in sickening sweet pink dating the rather gay Ken. I am expected to hate that she has a huge incredible wardrobe, that she is the embodiment of all the set stereotypes that women are subjected to, that she gets everything! It is almost as if some unspoken code exists between feminists that forbids us to like Barbie. In fact one of the Barbie jokes I came across was immediately the day after I watched one of those Barbie movies on youtube. You must've heard about them. There are these series of photographs that show Barbie and Ken in a loveless marriage where Ken is gay and cheats on Barbie with another guy. This series was created by a photographer called Dina Goldstien and they are the rage right now. Then of course, while going on with my Barbie mania on youtube, I came across a segment of Target Women that talked about Barbie. And I admit I found it funny.

But back to Barbie. I started watching those Barbie movies, most of which are adaptations of classic stories like Dancing Princesses, Swan Lake, Thumbalina and so on. You get the pic. But then I came across this film called Barbie--The Perfect Christmas. By the way, I know how geeky I sound in this post. I not only watched this online but remembered the names of them all and now I'm admitting all this in public...or at least some of my friends would think so any ways. I should probably say "friends", complete with the double quotation marks. Anyway, that led me to this beautiful web series created by Mattel called Barbie in the Dreamhouse. In this series, Barbie always wears pink, lives in her dreamhouse with her three sisters and all her friends drop by.

When I saw this series, my one reaction was: I envy Barbie. I do, really. I want to be pretty, I want my own pony and I don't have a pink house that glitters. But guess who does? Barbie, that's who. I love Barbie's personality in this series. It is quite different from all her movies. I mean it. She is so self-assured. She doesn't care that people laugh at her, when they do. She has devoted friends. She needs stickers and they work as home decorations. People adore her. She has a dedicated boyfriend. She has a HUGE wardrobe! And the best part? They themselves poke fun at Barbie. There are all these jibes on Barbie's many occupations:

Example 1
In one scene, Barbie takes her two best friends, Teresa and Nikki.
Barbie: I've got the clothes from every career I've ever had.
Nikki: You went to the moon?
Barbie: You haven't?

Example 2  is this video:

I thought this was really embarrassing until I found out that other girls my age also secretly like Barbie. It's almost like a sub-cult, I tell you. But see the thing is, that much as I love Virginia Woolf (which I a do a lot), sometimes I need a little pink glitter and an insanely optimistic outlook to life. Even of everything in life is shitty and nothing's worth anything and all your dreams shattered, it's good to see that there is hope, that some body at least have real friends who want to see you happy and that someone can have a 126 careers and counting. 

That's all. I rest my case.