Thursday, 6 August 2009

Contradictions

Off late, every feeling I have contradicts another. My life, every moment of it is surrounded by contradictions. I am happy and I am sad. But it goes way more than that. Many, at lots of moments are happy-sad. With me, it’s more.
I want my life to be fast-forwarded. Sometimes the pace seems irritatingly slow, the wait annoyingly long and everyday just the repeat telecast of the day gone by. Mundane. At the same time, there is a wish to preserve, a wish for time to freeze.
I remember that about two months back, all I wanted to be was a (successful) lawyer. I still do. I like law, surprising as it may seem. But then, when ever I’m in class there is this nagging question in my head that goes along the line of “is there a purpose to this?”. So, another contradiction. I want this, and I wonder whether I do indeed want this.
I want my three years of “legal education” over! I want it to go on…I sometimes even think about LLM!
I am tired all the time, and I can’t sleep. I am turning into a zombie very soon.
I feel suffocated. I feel lonely.
I feel like blogging and just when I’m about to, I don’t feel upto it.
My solace is in trying to make myself believe that everybody has these crazy annoying contradictions at some point of time. I know it’s all stupid, but that’s how I feel, and I wish like mad I didn’t feel everything at the same time.

2 comments:

Dark ocean lord said...

hmm...nice point abt every day being the repeat telecast...i think mine is too..
bt i am scared..u a zombie...aaah
i am gonna get killed

Anya said...

don't worry, u won't get killed.